A lack of ambition.

Why would I claim this about the wonderful "The Block" (which now I have looked it up, I know is a home renovations programme, rather than about people riding rollercoasters).  Because they feel the need to tell you it is "made in Melbourne", presumably because that's an extra reason to watch it.

Could you imagine a programme made in London, LA or New York proudly claiming it's origin?  I doubt it.

I assume the show is boring and that's why they had to use the too small rollercoaster idea. Or else they tell people how to renovate houses from a 'coaster.  The mind boggles.

How to get easy parking

I think we all know how frustrating it is when you have gone somewhere to do something, and you can't find anywhere to park, or else they expect you to pay, which seems rude frankly.  Thankfully some people have found the solution to this problem.

Which is obviously to just park on the gardens- outside a hospital no less.  Now maybe they were rushing to save someone being attacked or another of those time-urgent activities that cops are required to participate in from time to time, or maybe not.

We shall never know.

Thank Goodness I don't live in country Victoria

Yeah, I'm just grateful I don't live in Woop Woop.  I mean how would I get important dietary supplements like this:

Indeed it's a wonder that folk elsewhere manage to get past childhood really. 

However, the lesson we can all learn from this product is that clever marketing folk have realised how emotive the word Lamb is, this is why they have used the far less disturbing phrase "Baby Sheep" or even Baby Sheeps" if you read the packaging carefully. The picture on the cover aren't the actual lambs included in the product by the way, they are just a serving suggestion.

I'll just have a picnic thanks.

So while I was at the somewhat polluted Morris Reserve, I decided to check out what services were being offered to the community there.

Your choice is, walking the dog, playing cricket, a picnic, a go on the swings, or having a baby bird piss in your mouth from its nest.

Of all sports, Golf?

Maybe the good people at Moreland council are anti Pringle jumpers and plus fours, which would be a fair attitude to take, but at the hard arse graffiti riddled Morris Reserve Molotov cocktails would seem more likely.  And they don't serve them at the 19th hole. 

No need to comment, I did really work out it is because of the freeway next door. Horrible if someone got injured that way, but it's a funny idea.

What you say you are isn't what you actually are.

Nothing says this quite as directly as a personalised number plate.  They are relatively cheap, and proliferate in Melbourne. To wit:

The owner probably thought putting a number plate that says "panther" (but in txt spk so it is only 6 lttrs) on his MR2 would make him (and it's usually a him) seem mysterious, sleek, and effortlessly cool.

Sadly that is not the only reaction that can be had.  Ho hum.  Don't try too hard is my advice.

Advanced misspelling

So I think we all understand how confusion can arise with where apostrophes go; it's a little bit complicated and easy to miss if you didn't really like English lessons at school.  But how can a sign writer not be able to spell fairly simple words?  If you weren't that good at spelling, wouldn't you at least have a dictionary in your pocket?
What about the man who owns the shop, the one who paid the man who created the sign- was he happy about it?  Didn't he use glue or epoxy or something that said on the tube it can be used to repair stuff?

Not knocking it, it's just that my brain is actually boggling at the moment. Properly boggling.

At least they do watch "bands". I need one of those.

Oh-er-misses, that's a whopper you've got there!

Is it just my puerile sense of humour or does everyone else think this is a Knob joke/ double entendre from the ever classy Hungry Jacks?  Also, while we're at it, why would Jack be hungry? Isn't the implication that it is his restaurant, in a similar way to Ronald McDonalds'?  Is it because the food at his burger joint is quite nasty and unappetising?

Victoria Police Museum

Culmore was a bit thick, hence being called a viscous criminal.

That will help with his swing.

Or does he need to compensate for it somehow.
I like the subtlety of using silver, or maybe it's bling to celebrate the birth of Beyonces' daughter Blue Ivy.  Golf eh? A good walk spoilt, as I always like to say, and as someone said to me of cricket today, waste of a good paddock.  We don't have much time for sport here at Shit Melbourne; unless of course, someone has added on a massive cock.

Hairdressers you might hesitate to go to

 We wondered if it was run by trannies, cut your hair so you look like a properer tranny or what.  Its nice to see they do an business appropriate sideline in selling rainwater tanks.  Is that so that you can wash your hair like a lady in a Timotei ad, rainwater, honey and milk (or whatever they pretend to put in shampoo these days).

Next door is an old school hairdresser,

 and G. (just call me Joe you racist Australians) Squatrito could make you look like this:

Is that Limahl or Nick Haywood?