What you say you are isn't what you actually are.

Nothing says this quite as directly as a personalised number plate.  They are relatively cheap, and proliferate in Melbourne. To wit:

The owner probably thought putting a number plate that says "panther" (but in txt spk so it is only 6 lttrs) on his MR2 would make him (and it's usually a him) seem mysterious, sleek, and effortlessly cool.

Sadly that is not the only reaction that can be had.  Ho hum.  Don't try too hard is my advice.

Advanced misspelling

So I think we all understand how confusion can arise with where apostrophes go; it's a little bit complicated and easy to miss if you didn't really like English lessons at school.  But how can a sign writer not be able to spell fairly simple words?  If you weren't that good at spelling, wouldn't you at least have a dictionary in your pocket?
What about the man who owns the shop, the one who paid the man who created the sign- was he happy about it?  Didn't he use glue or epoxy or something that said on the tube it can be used to repair stuff?

Not knocking it, it's just that my brain is actually boggling at the moment. Properly boggling.

At least they do watch "bands". I need one of those.

Oh-er-misses, that's a whopper you've got there!

Is it just my puerile sense of humour or does everyone else think this is a Knob joke/ double entendre from the ever classy Hungry Jacks?  Also, while we're at it, why would Jack be hungry? Isn't the implication that it is his restaurant, in a similar way to Ronald McDonalds'?  Is it because the food at his burger joint is quite nasty and unappetising?

Victoria Police Museum

Culmore was a bit thick, hence being called a viscous criminal.

That will help with his swing.

Or does he need to compensate for it somehow.
I like the subtlety of using silver, or maybe it's bling to celebrate the birth of Beyonces' daughter Blue Ivy.  Golf eh? A good walk spoilt, as I always like to say, and as someone said to me of cricket today, waste of a good paddock.  We don't have much time for sport here at Shit Melbourne; unless of course, someone has added on a massive cock.

Hairdressers you might hesitate to go to

 We wondered if it was run by trannies, cut your hair so you look like a properer tranny or what.  Its nice to see they do an business appropriate sideline in selling rainwater tanks.  Is that so that you can wash your hair like a lady in a Timotei ad, rainwater, honey and milk (or whatever they pretend to put in shampoo these days).

Next door is an old school hairdresser,

 and G. (just call me Joe you racist Australians) Squatrito could make you look like this:

Is that Limahl or Nick Haywood?